a quiet season

I have been feeling somewhat distressed lately. Perhaps I could say I am going through a depressive phase. Anxiety has not really been the issue; it is more this heaviness, this lack of drive. Still, it is all right. I have been through worse.

What unsettles me most is the absence of novelty, of challenge. The everyday corporate world has a way of killing something quietly. Not dramatically, not all at once, but slowly, through repetition. It is always the same things, the same motions, the same predictable concerns.

I think I need something new. A different kind of problem. A fresh headache.

I know I am a little depressed because I have recognized this place before. I do not feel like talking much. I want to be alone. Small things that once gave me some joy have started to feel dull, almost burdensome.

Or maybe I am simply tired. Lately, even waking up in the morning has been difficult.

But this will pass. It always does.

I do not surrender.